Wife, Mama, and What?

I have been writing at this blog address for over a year now and never have posted on it's unusual name. Some of you may have already understood the allusion, but others of you have probably wondered at some point or another. Here is the story....

When logging in to Blogger for the first time, one is immediately prompted to provide a name for the fledging blog to be created. It is a daunting task to name something that then is put out into the world for anyone to see. I knew that my blog would be only about me. After all, personal blogs are by definition the epitome self-centeredness in many ways. It would be what I thought about, what happened to me, and my observations about the world. However, I wanted to portray in my blog what I value about myself and focus on my main callings in life. Thus, "Wife" and "Mama." I started writing here just after we moved to Kosciusko, and thus "Country Mouse."

Richard Scarry wrote a little story called "The Country Mouse and the City Mouse." It is about a little country mouse named Annie who is visited by her city mouse friend, Melissa, and awed by Melissa's descriptions of rich city life, decides to return to the city with Melissa. After being chased by a cat and a dog in Melissa's grand house, Annie runs all the way home and settles back into her cozy life with a new thankfulness for her humble home. The story ends with these words, spoken by Annie, "I would rather live a simple life in peace, than dine on riches and live in fear."

And so it was with me last year when we moved to Kosciusko. The blog name asks the question that I was asking myself, "Am I really a 'country mouse?' Do I really want to be here?"In many ways, this simple life can pale in comparison to the comforts and opportunities that come with living in a larger city. The draw to be a "city mouse" is strong. And the draw to choose a place based on what I want and what I like is strong.

Yet, I know though that God went before us and clearly called us here, to this place, to this small Mississippi community. I too have learned Annie's lesson. I am thankful for a chance to live "a simple life in peace."

Rainy Thursday

Today was Joe's day off and it was a treat to have a little extra time with him. Our church's annual Missions Conference starts tomorrow and so the next few days are filled with extra activities. Our little MS church proudly supports many missionaries and has a legacy of passion for missions that has been passed down from previous generations. It should be good to hear of God's work in advancing His kingdom around the world.

Back to Budgeting

When Joe was in seminary in Charlotte and I was home with Joseph, we lived on his part-time internship salary and our savings. We were so young and lived very simply. God provided abundantly for us during that time (as He still does today), but I have many stories specifically of His provisions for us financially then.

I also was very careful with our money and have realized recently that I have grown sloppy about it. Inspired by the women at Frugal Hacks and Money Saving Mom, I have reinstated a tighter grocery budget and am looking forward to the challenge of keeping to it. I am learning how to do the CVS system and am cutting back on our weekly Wal-mart grocery run.

Towards that end, I have also become an affiliate of Crystal's Supermarket Savings 101 e-course. Crystal runs Biblical Womanhood, which is a site that exists "to promote femininity and build up women as they embrace their Biblical callings." It is a great site to check out as it is full of thought-provoking articles on being a Godly wife, on graceful parenting, on cheerful frugality, and on current news. Crystal's posts on her blog often provoke intense debate from a spectrum of viewpoints.

Crystal is a savvy business woman who has written many e-books that she sells on the site in addition to traditional hard copy books on family, womanhood, modesty, marriage, etc. Her Supermarket Savings 101 course started with an e-book that she wrote about feeding her family on $35 a week that she then expanded into an online course. The e-course is only $8.97 for the next 48 hours and also includes 6 other ebooks.

Click here to learn more about the course and buy it. And as a bonus, I'll get a little money back for being an affiliate!

Sunday Hymn

In Christ Alone by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand(x2)

One more

For all of you mamas of little ones out there, this one hit home to me....

Notables

I've had these links bookmarked for a few weeks now and just want to go ahead and post about them. This is just a random list of articles that have caught my attention and so it is a really hodge-podge list.

• Just in case you needed another reason to avoid the public schools in Massachusetts.
• Tracing a new movement in evangelicalism, this article chronicles a growing number of conservative Christians who are embracing environmentalism, organic foods, and anti-consumerism.
• As I am on an ongoing mission to conquer the toys that are trying to overtake our home, this article was right on target.
• I've written here before about how much I loved my experience giving birth at home with my midwife and here is an article that spells out why.
• And here is a link to my midwife's site!
  
• Lastly, my aunt has a store at Ruby Lane where she sells beautiful handmade jewelry. Check out her store here.

Kind and wise

Another great post by Sara on taming our tongues. This one is so applicable to me--very convicting!

A family loves and mourns

From John Piper, who is always worth reading:

What I Said at My Granddaughter’s Funeral

A hard truth

It all started easily enough. I was reading through my usual blogs and checked in with Jess at Making Home. I've only just recently started reading Jess's blog, but have found her posts to be informative, well-written, and thorough (I am actually amazed that she finds time to write so much so well!). From time to time, Jess writes a round-up of articles of note that she has read recently. And then under the category for "Food For Thought" , I read:

"Vaccines and their ingredients: You may be surprised (as I was!) to learn that aborted human fetal tissue is an ingredient in many mainstream vaccines. Take a look and make an informed choice about these issues from now on."

I have read anti-vaccine information before. It seems that many of the natural birth, home birth, whole foods, homeschooling, etc. crowd are also anti-vaccine, and I was interested by the idea although I had not done much research. Then, this past week, Jenny McCarthy spoke about the MMR vaccine and her ideas about it causing her son's autism. I was curious, did some research on MMR and autism, and told Joe yesterday that I wanted to consider not giving it to Charlie. But nothing prepared me for the information I read today.

I thought that surely this idea that vaccines were made from aborted babies must just be the latest right-wing rumor making its way around the internet. So, I clicked her link and was brought to an anti-vaccine website that contained a table showing the ingredients in different vaccines. I chose one that I recognized and think that my boys have gotten: Varivax. The chart says it contains (among other things) "human diploid cells from aborted fetal tissue." What!?

Still not convinced and since there are so many rumors going around out there, I went to the manufacturer's website and found the prescribing information for Varivax. The first paragraph that describes how the vaccine is made says:

"The virus was initially obtained from a child with natural varicella, then introduced into human embryonic lung cell cultures, adapted to and propagated in embryonic guinea pig cell cultures and finally propagated in human diploid cell cultures (WI-38). Further passage of the virus for varicella vaccine was performed at Merck Research Laboratories (MRL) in human diploid cell cultures (MRC-5) that were free of adventitious agents."

I still didn't believe what I was reading and called Merck (880-672-6372) to hear it directly from them. After only a minute or two punching the right numbers on my phone to get to a service representative, Stacey answered. I described going online and finding the prescribing information, and then I asked my question.
"Where did you get the human embryonic lung cells?"
"I will be happy to find that answer for you, Mrs. Holland. Can you hold, please?"
Stacey placed me on hold and when she picked back up, it was obvious that she was reading a scripted answer.
"Thank you for holding, Mrs. Holland. The cells cultured for this and other vaccines were approved by the FDA for use in vaccine development from an aborted fetus from 30 years ago...."
I really didn't hear much after she said "aborted fetus." Nothing else that she said mattered. I do remember her emphasizing the "30 years ago" part, as if profiting from a death that took place a long time ago made it less heinous. I ended the call politely and went and found Joe and told him what I had learned with tears in my eyes.

I have spent the remainder of my free moments of time (stolen in between the normal work of day to day life) pulling up article after article. Apparently, many vaccines were developed using embryonic stem cell lines derived from aborted babies. They actually know in the case of some of the stem lines, what baby it came from (a boy or girl and it's gestational age) and the situation around the abortion! I had no idea! I am still just in shock and feel so deceived. I hate the horror that is abortion and have wept before at the magnitude of its evil. But, I never before today realized that I have ever done anything to support it.

Read it!

I read a great post a few days ago. I am late in referencing it since made the rounds in the blogosphere while we were on vacation, but nevertheless I had to post it here too:

The Invisible Woman by Nicole Johnson from Fresh Brewed Life
http://www.parenthood.com/articles.html?article_id=10240

(HT to Barbara at Mommy Life)

Wreck update

Joe rode to Jackson with a friend today and got a rental minivan. So now the boys and I will be able to get out of the house! The adjuster from AllState looked at our minivan too and estimated the damage at $2900. Now, we'll take it to the body shop and they can make their adjustments to AllState's estimate and start working on the van. It is borderline on whether it will be declared "totaled" or not...we'll see.

Joe is still pretty sore and I've kept Will and David on ibuprofen until last night. Will is more bothered by the 60 or so chigger or tick bites on his ankles than he is from the wreck. David can't say, of course, but seems to be fine.

Just another manic Monday

I know that it is going to be a long day when I am giving the boys a bath already at 10 AM. Monday was one of those days. With energy to burn after being cooped up in the car for 2 days, the boys ran and ran Monday morning and were coated in mud. I popped them in the shower (they were actually too muddy for a bath to have done any good) and got them out and dressed. I ran to answer the phone and it was a realtor wanting to show the house...in an hour!

I said yes and scrambled to get ready. Thankfully, Charlie had fallen asleep in the swing and I plopped Will and David down in front of a movie. Joseph and I worked our way through each room straightening and cleaning. He was such a good little helper and had a great attitude the whole time! I grabbed a loaf of bread, block of cheese, and some waters and put the boys into the Corolla (the van is still out of commission from the wreck). The three bigger guys where in the back and I sat Charlie's carrier on the front passenger seat. We drove just barely down the street since Joseph and Charlie weren't buckled in and waited. They ended up looking at the house for almost an hour. Later, the realtor said that the wife really liked the house, but that the husband wanted more land.

I was grateful that I had left the house presentable before we left on vacation and that we had put most things away on Sunday when we got home. I was also grateful for God's peace as I "stashed and dashed" cleaning up. He knew each part of my day that Monday and had a plan and a purpose for the busyness. I kept on reminding myself of his sovereignty as I cleaned and repeated Isaiah 26:3 ("You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.") to myself.

On the road again

I'm checking in tonight from the Courtyard Marriott in Chattanooga where we are staying on the way home. What a week! Joe was rear-ended while driving the van with David, Will, my dad, and my brother-in-law in the car with him. It has added drama to an already intense week. And tonight, Joe realized that he left his prescription muscle relaxant for the whiplash in Lynchburg.

We have talked a lot (okay, not a lot because it has been busy, but whenever we could) about how God has a plan for this too. We are wanting to learn to be content in all circumstances!

Tuesday morning

It is 74 degrees here this morning and my boys are excited because they think, "Fall is here!" They insisted that they were freezing and needed to wear their jackets. I wonder what they are going to think when we go to Virginia this weekend and it is in the 50s?

Update

I made meatballs for the first time today using a recipe from Tammy's Recipes. I doubled the recipe and froze 3 meals worth, while we enjoyed spaghetti and meatballs for dinner tonight too. I also made Tammy's Italian Cheese bread, which reminded Joe and I of something we used to order out from Gumby's in Charlottesville.
Charlie has finally turned a corner (and it is not a corner leading to a dead-end as Joe predicted) and is happy! He is starting to sleep more and doesn't cry all of the time. Hallelujah!
We leave Friday for Virginia and can't wait to see everyone!

'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus

by Louisa Stead

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Refrain

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Refrain

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.

Refrain

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

Refrain

Good reading

I've found a few new blogs that I have been enjoying the past few days. The first is from Sara, who with her husband and daughter have downsized to a RV and are traveling the country, eating organic, locally grown food, avoiding consumerism, and generally living intentionally and "green." (She writes her story here.) While in many ways, we couldn't be more different (she has dredlocks and I'm growing my hair longer), she loves Christ. She writes on the notorious Proverbs 31 woman and I especially loved this part:

Bring Good, Not Harm

v. 11-12
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
v. 23
Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

In the early days of my marriage, I decided that I would never speak harshly about my husband in the presence of others. Not even in jest. No matter how frustrated or annoyed I might be with a situation, it was between Matt, myself, and God. I didn’t run to my girlfriends, my co-workers, my mom, or the message boards. I spoke directly to Matt about my feelings and also to God. And in 7 years of marriage, we have never had a “fight” that lasted more than a few minutes. We never go to bed angry. I attribute those things largely to the fact that I focus on “bringing him good, not harm”. I don’t talk to others about our home life and let harsh feelings brew and brew all day.

Of course, it goes without saying that if you are in a verbally or physically abusive relationship, you must speak with someone about it. And if you and your spouse cannot get past certain issues, you may need counseling with a third party. But those interventions are very different than speaking with others about him and bringing him “down” in their eyes. Build him up! Help others to see him for the amazing man that he is.

Friday night

I've had a lot of thoughts swirling around the past few days, but none have made it all the way to blogging fruition.

Tonight has been a nice change of pace. Joe was here at home having some guy time with a friend from church, and I took Charlie to Wal-mart with me after the other boys were in bed. I never knew Wal-mart was such a hopping place on a Friday night at 9:00 (you know that you live in a small town with nothing to do when....)!

Sling

I gave up thinking that I'll make a wrap and ordered one this morning. I can't wait until it gets here! (thanks for the encouragement to do so, Katie!)

"Blameless before the presense of His glory"

We have family in town who have taken Joseph and Will out to lunch and so I am here with just my two little guys...as good a time as any to post a quick hello. I haven't posted in weeks: 1.) because I didn't have the time, and 2.) because I remember being taught, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." :) Charlie is an extremely fussy baby (colic maybe?) and there are many days when I have held him almost constantly to try to stem the never-ending crying. Most times holding (while walking and bouncing, with a pacifier in his mouth) would help. However, if he drifted off and I put him down he would wake up within 10 minutes screaming again. He would have times of happiness, an hour or two here or there when he would be normal--smiling, cooing, and being content. Most days, he would not nap consistently and would wake up crying when I could tell he was still so tired. He pulls up his legs, squirms, and grimaces which shows obviously that he is in pain.

We tried Axid for reflux since all of my babies have spit up a lot, but that didn't help. Yesterday, the dr. put him on some drops that are mild muscle relaxants that are supposed to help colicy babies. Today he has slept like a champ, but is running a low grade fever from getting shots yesterday and so I am unable to tell yet if the new meds will help. I'll know better in the next few days.

All of that is for explanation of both point 1 and 2 above. Obviously my time was (and still is) limited. But more than that, I just didn't have anything worthwhile to add to the blogosphere. I know that I don't intend to write "happy-happy, joy-joy" things all of the time, but I don't need to be writing from the "pit of despair" either.

God is good. All of the time. And He has a good and perfect plan in giving me Charlie, fussiness and all. My head knows that, but my heart was (is) still dealing with what that means, and I didn't want to write until I was more settled in that realization. Now again, I have to say that I realize that a fussy baby is such a small thing compared to what so many other people are going through. It is all-consuming for me though right now and it is the lesson that I am currently learning. What does it mean to live in the light of the Gospel in the middle of long days and short nights with a baby who constantly needs me and 3 other little ones who still need life to go on as usual? What does it mean to realize that God loved me enough not only to send Jesus to atone for my sin, but also to give me difficult circumstances in order to sanctify me? What does it mean to realize that how I respond to the thousand questions of my children or how I deal with their disobedience shows the state of MY soul? Am I patiently submitting to God's current calling on my life? Am I patient, kind, loving, joyful, gentle, self-controlled?

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Ephesians 5:22-23

These days have shown me again and again how I am in need of Christ. I need the Holy Spirit to work His good fruit into my life. I need to fall down on my knees in awe at His sovereignty that includes giving fussy infants to sanctify self-centered mamas. I need, hourly, His blood to atone for my sins (because, oh, how quickly they show these days). And I need His strength.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

Many people understand this verse to say that God will not give us more than we can handle. I think, however, that I am given more than I can handle by myself. It is only in running to Christ and saying, "I can't do it and I need You," that He then comes and strengthens me to walk in the path He has laid out for me. The "way of escape" is the cross. It is realizing that I couldn't and still can't save myself. It is only through the blood of Jesus that I can stand before God and it is only through the blood of Jesus that I can live day by day.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

But you, beloved, build yourselves up in your most holy faith; pray in the Holy Spirit; keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life....Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen. Jude 20-21, 24-25