I had an interesting experience today at Joseph’s little playgroup that I want to mull over. Playgroup is a group of about 6 moms and their children who have been getting together since the little ones were about 7 months old, which is about a year and half now. We all go to the same church, and we meet about every other week at someone’s house or at the park or at Chic-fil-a.

Today, there were 5 moms there and the talk turned to M, who originally organized the group but was not there this morning. Our hostess informed us that M was absent because she was taking a day at the spa, which was one of her birthday gifts (she’d just turned 30). We all like M and so we talked about how we were happy that she got to do this. Then, however, G said that she was happy because she bet M didn’t get to do things like this very often because her husband’s residency salary is small and they only have one income. She said that she knows that they don’t have much money left to just spend on fun things. Now, G can say this knowledgably since she and her husband went to medical school too, and so she was saying that she understood the circumstance because she had lived it. However, now G works as a pediatrician and her husband works at the hospital. She has a two-year-old daughter who is in day care and one on the way.

I was not disturbed by G’s lack of discretion in talking about M’s finances because she was speaking kindly, almost jokingly sympathetic to M’s “plight.” What I am dealing with is G’s attitude and underlying assumptions about money, motherhood, and the purpose of M’s life (and subsequently mine). G felt sorry for M and her family because 1.) they didn’t have much money as they were living on one income, 2.) therefore they didn’t have money to do “fun” things with, and I think without directly saying so 3.) because M is a full time mom.

I did not know what to say at the time and so I said nothing and talk moved on to other subjects. Should I have said something? Tried to point out the truth that money is not the chief end of man, but only a gift from God to be used for his glory? Was I a coward for not saying anything to “defend” a one-income family who places importance on raising children over money? (I wonder: Did G realize that Joe and I are a one-income family with “no money left over to do anything fun with?” M’s husband is done with his residency this spring, and then will work full-time as a doctor. Joe will be in the ministry until God leads him elsewhere and so we will always be in that circumstance.) How should one handle times of polite conversation with acquaintances when someone says something that shows a lack of understanding about Biblical principles (in this case the value of motherhood and children over careerism and the pursuit of money)?

Sometimes I am able to turn the conversation by calmly pointing to sound reasoning without offending the person who made the contrary statement. (i.e. Today, everyone was joking about a mom they knew about who was about to adopt two toddlers and was looking into trying to breastfeed them. They thought it was funny to try to nurse toddlers and adopted ones at that and were laughing at her. I was able to change the conversation a little by inserting that we all could understand that she was trying to do what is best and trying to connect with these kids. I felt that I had at least stood up for my beliefs and encouraged sympathy and kindness for this mom.) Other times, I am not sure that I could say anything without directly contradicting someone and risking offending them. My tendency would be to do so anyway, but I want to have a Christ-like gentleness about me. And I know that does not just mean that I don’t contradict people. Jesus was bold in his teaching and did not shy away from pointing out sin and wrong thinking. However, there is a time and a place of appropriateness, and today I struggled with those.

Sometimes, as Christians we are called to stand up in ways that are uncomfortable for us and for those around us. John 15:19 records Jesus saying, “If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.” This means that if we are Christians, then we will be unpopular—the world will HATE us. This is such a hard teaching for us to understand sometimes, isn’t it? Who doesn’t want to be liked and well thought of? Moreover, apply this to your children and it gets even more difficult. I see so many of the parents of the children in Joe’s youth group who are not willing to help their children make stands for Christ that would also make them unpopular.

“Lord, teach me to rest in your grace, content in your love. Focus my eyes on what you value and help me not to conform to the pattern of this world. Help me to live with a gentle and quiet spirit that knows when and how to stand up for your truth. Give me the grace to teach my sons to do the same and to prepare them to boldly stand under the world’s hatred. For your glory and in Jesus name. Amen”