I had three conversations yesterday (wow, 3 adult conversations in one day--that must be a record!) that have given me food for thought today. On Monday, the boys and I will jump into homeschooling. They are literally counting down the days while I am approaching them with apprehension and feelings of inadequacy. I already feel snowed under just in my day to day mothering....and now I am going to add academics?
As I talked about my worries and fears, I realized much of my problem lies in the fact that I am not understanding the Gospel correctly. I am feeling inadequate as a mother because daily I am confronted with more than I can handle on my own and I react with anger and selfishness. Then, instead of repenting of these sins to my children and my God and moving on in the joy of forgiveness through Christ, I wallow in my sin and worry (rightly) that I am not a good mom.
I have skewed the message of the Gospel by doing this. I have changed it to "Being a Christian is doing things right." I act like I think that my boys will be Christians by me being a good enough example for them so that they will be good too. That, however, is NOT the Gospel, but that is the way I have been living.
The glorious truth of the Gospel is that I am a sinner who has been saved by God's riches in Christ. God has taken me--short temper, selfishness, yelling, and all--and loved me as His child. He sees Christ's spotless righteousness in the place of my sin and has freely traded my rags for Christ's spotlessness.
I am not a good mother. I am not a good wife. But I am loved with an everlasting love by a God who graciously gave His Son to pay for my sin. This is what I need to preach to myself as I am overwhelmed by life, as I feel like I can't do it all. The truth is I can't do it all! But I don't have to. Christ has done it all for me on the cross and I can't do anything to add to it.
So, as I face next week, it is my prayer that my Lord will use this new season to teach me the Gospel again. To show my boys that loving Jesus isn't about being good. It is about Him being good and trusting in His finished work on my behalf.
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5 comments:
Oh, my, Hallie, you read my mind. This is EXACTLY how I have been feeling lately! I really needed to hear it validated from someone in my boat. I've been thinking, "Well, since I can't be a Christian in whom God's perfection is magnified, at least I'll be a Christian in whom His GRACE is magnified!" I think THAT's the Gospel!
PS What curriculum did you decide on?
Wonderful post!
~Luke
Hallie, I admire your transparency! I think I struggle with the same things you do. Many/most moms probably do, but few admit it!
Can't wait to read about how homeschooling goes!
We chose Veritas when I finally hit the order button. We're doing their phonics museum and Saxon 1, with a circle time for devotions, memorization, and read-alouds first thing.
I wish we could have had a conversation while you were in Lynchburg! We are doing Classical Conversations this fall, with Veritas press cards and Saxon math, so I'm sure we would have had a lot to talk about. Especially the fact that we are mothering and teaching out of our weakness. May God be glorified!
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