Recovering

Today was getting back to normal a bit more. Joe worked almost a normal day and came home exhausted. The boys and I did normal things here. We were brought dinner by a very kind lady from church, who then listened with interest to the boys telling about collecting cicada shells in the pine trees behind the house. She even worn one that William gave to her on her shirt on her way home!
We still don't know what was wrong with Joe and the drs. said we probably will never know. They sent away the test for West Nile virus and that will be back in another week or so. It was most likely a recurrence of viral meningitis. Not fun! We are so thankful that God healed Joe so quickly and that he is feeling stronger now.
Whenever God so specifically provides the best answer to my prayers I always wonder what my response would have been had He not been so gracious to me. Would I still be able to count my security in Him when He does not heal my husband?
I remember just over a year ago lying flat on my back in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. I was seven months pregnant and William was in the ambulance with me, but screaming frantically because of the trauma of what we had just been through and because he couldn't see me because of how we were strapped in. I put my hand on my tummy and prayed for the little life inside of me, my baby, who I had not yet met. I prayed that the Lord would give me strength to trust in His goodness even as I lost my baby. I was sure that I would loose him--the wreck was so bad. And I didn't know yet if Joseph was okay either....Head trama, fractures, surgery were words I heard, but they did not yet know the severity of his injuries.
I can remember the peace of that ride. It was the peace that passes understanding that is calm in the midst of pain and fear. It was the trust in a God that is good, even when life is not. That day, I glimpsed for a moment that my anchor was secure in Him. The storms raged and He held firm. He held me safely.
And in the hours and days to follow, He gave us above and beyond what we could have hoped for. A continuing pregnancy and a healthy baby boy. A healed three year old.
I know that He is faithful. But I know that I am not. The memory of that ambulance ride and the peace that He granted help, but I often wonder if I could remain as calm in the midst of longer or stronger storms...death, lingering illness, or pain. I worry that I will not be found faithful (1 Corinthians 4:2). But, I am thankful that I have a God who is faithful (1 Thes. 5:12) and whose faithfulness covers over my lack of faith. Even when I may doubt, He will still be God and still be good.

Revelation 19:11 I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True.