Read it!

I read a great post a few days ago. I am late in referencing it since made the rounds in the blogosphere while we were on vacation, but nevertheless I had to post it here too:

The Invisible Woman by Nicole Johnson from Fresh Brewed Life
http://www.parenthood.com/articles.html?article_id=10240

(HT to Barbara at Mommy Life)

With my latest cooking project slightly burned, but still edible....

Yesterday, I posted another thought in my series on motherhood that focused on God's calling to motherhood. Today, I wanted to focus more on the idea of seasons—that there are different phases in God's calling on our lives. A young unmarried woman or married woman without children has time that she will not have once the children come. This is true whether you realize it or not. The freedom and flexibility of your time is one of the blessings of this season of life, and choosing to use that time wisely will prepare you well for being a mama.

On a lighter note, I wanted to mention something to do with this time, in addition to my previous suggestions: LEARN TO COOK. While it is quite fashionable and funny to be a young woman who laughs off not being able to cook a thing, no one wants to live in a household with a mom who can't cook. I mean really, if you could choose, who wouldn't want a mom that could turn out a full delicious Christmas dinner with all of the fixin's (a little Mississippi lingo for all of you northerners). Now, we aren't all cut out to be gourmet chefs, but anyone who can read can learn a small repertoire of easy and nutritious meals and move on from there. The ability to cook really is learned through trial and error, not by some innate gifting.

So, for all of you young single ladies out there who laugh at your lack of domesticity: Get cooking! After all, no one wants a mama who won't.

Preparing for Motherhood

A few months back, I wrote a few posts in a series on preparing for motherhood. I included thoughts on avoiding debt and managing your money well and the value of motherhood.

The concept of this series is that God provides different seasons in our lives for different things. I am currently in a season of small children and it is the most tiring, rewarding, joyous, laborious, and full season of life that I have faced so far. (I am not arguing that this time will always be classified this way, that is just how I see it now compared with life up to this point. Who knows, I may decide that being the mother of teenagers is the most tiring, rewarding, etc....but I have a few more years to get there and then I'll have to compare.)

While I feel that I was more prepared to be a mom than many of my friends, I still know that I was woefully short of being prepared. I have actually had some friends (several) tell me that they just were not made to be mothers! And while I understand the feelings of inadequacy that would lead someone to say that, it is just so wrong. God's design for married women (barring the consequences of living in a fallen world—disease, infertility, etc.) is motherhood. It is evident in our biological design and throughout the creation story as He instructed Adam and Eve to be “fruitful and multiply.” And we all know the NT prescriptives to women that focus on the homefront. Even the Proverbs 31 woman, who is sometimes erroneously used as an example of a working woman, is busy at home!

There is much in motherhood that runs directly counter to our culture's roles and priorities for value in a woman. Motherhood calls for one to die to self, while the world tells us to live to our full potential. We must embrace the promise of Matthew 10:39 that, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” It is precisely in the sweet service of caring for my family that God is present and active in me.

Over Christmas, I had a heated discussion with a family member about womanhood. She had commented on a couple that we both knew who was having trouble in their marriage because the wife had recently started working and the husband was feeling like he wasn't getting enough attention. She said that the problem was that the husband was controlling and didn't like his wife doing other things. My family member said, “Well, she should be able to do what makes her happy, what fulfills her.” I made the point that by marrying, this woman had agreed to love and serve her husband, and if he felt like he wasn't getting enough attention then he wasn't and that was what mattered. I even made the shocking statement that I thought women should mainly take care of things at home and that men were responsible for working to care for the family.

The point that Joe made later (he had been quietly observing our interchange) and that I wish I had thought of at the time was that it was exactly in service, in giving up “me” for “another,” in the submission of my will to the Creator, that I will truly be fulfilled—and filled with Christ.

Preparing for Motherhood

This is part-two of my thoughts on motherhood that was sparked by a conversation over at the 360 blog.

Educated at a prestigious university? Check. Prepared to be a wife and mom? Um, not quite. Brains do not equal thriving motherhood. Biblically, it is God’s will for most of us to marry and have kiddos, but for so long I focused on just “me and the Lord” that I didn’t prepare myself as well as I could have. There are things that I wish I had known or worked on before I became a mom. This post is an attempt to pass on a little encouragement to those of you that are not yet in the mom years. It is not the Gospel, so faithful Christians can disagree with what I am about to write--it is just a recommendation. It also is not my final opinion on the matter, but just the scratchings of one stint at the computer during one of my boys’ naptimes.

For my first “Preparing for Motherhood” post, I wanted to share a few thoughts about money.

Get out of debt or stay out of debt.

Many moms say that finances are the reason that they have to work. One of my really good friends from high school got her law degree after her time at UVa and worked as a lawyer for a time before delivering her first baby over two months premature. She took some maternity leave just afterwards, but had to leave her preemie in the NICU to go back to work in order to save some maternity leave for when he was released from the hospital. She was up to her eyeballs in student loan debt and would’ve loved to stay home but felt trapped.

The same problem comes with any debt (car loans, credit cards, home equity loans, even mortgages that are too big). Debt can trap a young couple and money problems are the #1 cause of divorce in America today. Similarly, as a single, you are uniquely positioned to economize and save, providing a solid foundation for whatever God may have planned for you. In several recent articles in Boundless, they’ve talked about single women and money (see articles here, here, and here) and really made me think, In either case—married or single--if you can’t afford it (i.e. pay for it with cash today), don’t buy it! As Will Rogers said, "Too many people spend money they have not earned, to buy things they do not want, to impress people they don't even like."

Live on one income now.

If married, budget so that you are already living on just your husband’s income. If you learn now the discipline of living on one income, it won’t be a shock to do so later. As a bonus, by saving the money that you make now, you’ll have an extra big cushion for when you are at home.

Start investing while you are young.

If you are single, use this season in your life to learn to live on less than you make and pile money into savings.

If you invest just $100 a month (which is just eating out or cable money for many people) from age 20-60 in a good growth stock mutual fund earning 12% you will have $1,185,782. Wow! Compounding interest and leaving the money invested over a long time worked in your favor to set you up comfortably for retirement and free you to use your wealth to God’s glory. The government certainly isn’t going to do it for you (who knows if Social Security will even be around when we retire).

Count the cost.

For those of you that are married and thinking that you can’t give up your income, consider the actual net income generated by your job. There are many excellent articles on this out there. It sometimes boils down to the fact that the wife’s income is really just to pay for daycare (so sad) and the higher tax bracket.

Realize that it is all God’s anyway.

The One who clothes the lilies of the field will even more so provide for his people (Matthew 6:28). Chinese Christians actually pray for American Christianss that we may be able to withstand the temptation and trial of prosperity without abandoning our Lord. Start now to tithe to your local church and give consistently to other Kingdom work above and beyond your regular tithe. Luis Cataldo used to say that some of us would be called to serve the Lord in full time ministry. Others would be called to make a good income and live on only half of it to give the rest away for ministry.

Well, William just woke up and so that is all for now.

Motherhood questions

Over at the 360 blog, we have be discussing the merits of motherhood and Veronica shared with stark honesty about her journey. All of this has made me think back over what I have experienced and learned in the past few years, and I wanted to answer some of the questions that I mentioned in my comments to Vern's post.
I have come to see the value of motherhood as both a sanctifying work in my life and as a service to the Lord and my family. A few verses that have strengthened me for this calling:
Titus 2:4-5 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
(Tells me what I should be doing and learning.)
John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
(Motherhood is a daily laying down of my life in service to my Lord as He has called me to serve this family.)
Genesis 1:28 God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.
(God ordained families and blesses them as the primary means for the growth of his Kingdom. What better chance for evangelism do I have than with the 3 little ones that He has placed in my care? The family is the most intensive, most real "small group" out there. It is my daily opportunity to show them Him by living out the Gospel where they can watch and learn.)

The world and many in the church have denigrated motherhood and treat it as little more than babysitting. It is so much more! As a mom, you shape the character of eternal souls that one day, Lord willing, will worship with you face to face before the Creator.
I have really struggled with the value of what I am doing because I have always been one to worry what other people think of me. Even in my mostly-Christian circle of friends and acquiantances, I feel isolated in my view of the sacredness of this calling. Below are a few articles that have been like water to my thirsting soul--refreshing me with God's perspective and reminding me to seek His commendation above all others.

• I Want to Be a Mom by Bethany Patchin--a general apologetic for motherhood. This one is by one of my favorite columnists.
• Finding the Center--A follow up article by Bethany Patchin Torode after the theory of motherhood becomes a reality upon the birth of her firstborn son.
• Motherhood on Trial by Megan Basham--if you only read one article, let it be this one. It follows the author's journey as she faced motherhood and also provides commentary on society's views on motherhood and contrasts it with God's.
• How Mothering Makes More of Us by Jenny Schroedel--A more philosophical look at motherhood. This one shaped much of my thought on how dying to self in motherhood becomes an opportinity for growth and sanctification.
• If You Want it All, You Need a Plan By Candace Watters--This one is written to young college age or professional women. This is one that I wish we all could've read and talked about at 360.
• My Inner Mommy War by Heather Koerner is not my favorite one, but it may speak to your situation. It talks about the author's struggle with giving up her job because it would mean dependence on her husband.
• This last one (Confessions of a Teenage Mom) is on the must-read list too. It is also by Bethany Torode and gives a Biblical view of children, love, marriage, and sex.