Practicing hospitality

I have been thinking recently about the dichotomy between hospitality and entertaining. Like many things I ponder, my thoughts are influenced by things that I have read but can't remember exactly where. So, if you've heard this before, you must've read the same article and if you can remember where, let me know!

The premise behind the article was that there was a distinct difference between hospitality and entertaining and that we should strive for the former over the latter. Entertaining brings up images of perfectly laid tables, elaborate menus, a sparkling home, and an unhurried hostess overseeing it all with charm and grace. Hospitality brings more homey images to mind—warm fellowship with friends new and old, laughing until there are tears in your eyes. While entertaining is concerned with impressing guests, hospitality focuses on welcoming people into your home and your life.

Mark Driscoll speaks about the home as a place “where God and His people dwell together for purposes of ministry.” He says the same could be said about the the temple, the church, and heaven.

Does that change how we view our homes? Not simply places to sleep between mad forays into the daily grind of life, but centers of ministry whereby we love our families and reach out to a watching world.

Being hospitable is listed among the requirements for elders in Titus 1:8. Being hospitable is also the mark of a life lived in obedience to Christ as part of the attributes of Godly widows described in 1 Timothy 5:10. It is also generally proscribed to all Christians as a way to show love to one another through service in 1 Peter 4:8-10. So we know that it is Biblical, but do we do it?

Much has been written about the decline of hospitality in our culture and the varying causes and remedies. I will offer just a few short suggestions that have motivated and encouraged me as I have sought to help Joe in offering hospitality.

Throw away Southern Living and Martha Stewart!

Did I just say that and is there a band of sweet Southern ladies coming to tar and feather me as I sit here?

One of the main hindrances to hospitality is thinking that your __________ isn't good/fancy/expensive/big/whatever enough to offer to others. Realize that God has given you what you have, be content, and be willing to share. Americans who travel abroad almost always find themselves the surprised recipients of gracious hospitality from people who have little to offer, but offer what they have with sincerity and joy.

Do what you can

For our family, being intentional about hospitality means inviting people into our home and the craziness that is life with 4 small boys. I always serve the same meal. Homemade pizza with whatever toppings I have on hand and oven-hot cookies for dessert. Sometimes I make other side dishes, sometimes I don't have time to. Dinner is loud, the food is served buffet style, and you almost always have to refill your own drink. I do look forward to the days where I can be a bit more fancy, but this is where I am now and may God use it to His glory!

Pick a day

Once you get into the habit of practicing hospitality, it gets easier and easier. There are several families in our church that have two or three families and singles over for Sunday dinner after the morning worship service. I have been blessed to watch how these ladies invite not just those who are their close friends, but new attenders, widows, and people that they don't know well. Our family has been blessed by many gracious offers of hospitality from those in our church...and that is no small accomplishment! My boys are generally well-behaved, but there are 4 of them and they are little and so I am always so thankful that people have us over anyway!

We have chosen Friday nights to be our night for having people over for dinner and are just getting back into the habit of doing so after a hiatus when Charlie was born. Knowing that this is our intention every Friday night helps us to remember to invite people and be consistent about it.

Just do it!

It is fun. It is Biblical. It is part of living authentically and letting people into your life. Pray about it. Talk to your husband about it. And see how God might be calling you to offer hospitality.

Here are a few additional resources out there that I would recommend on this topic:

Women as Homebuilders

This sermon from Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in Seattle has a lot to say not just about hospitality, but about women in general. At just over an hour, it is a long sermon, but worth every minute! (***If you are on a slow internet connection like me, you can set your computer to download it just before you go to bed and that way won't tie up your phone line for hours during the day.)

Finding Reliable Men: Hospitable

This post by Thabiti Anyabwile is great and gave me a lot of my foundation for this post.

Dinnertime discipleship

Tonight we had dinner with 2 couples from our church and had such a good time. The boys were pretty well-behaved and it was just a pleasant evening. It was so nice to be in the home of people that we care about and to whom we have been called. We truly believe that God has given us these people in this church and community to love. As we considered a call to overseas missions before ending up here, this place seems even more evidently our current mission field than it might otherwise seem. God clearly placed us here in this place and it is so good to remember that. I don't want to get caught up in living life that I forget what God has called us to. As we make friends and get to know people, I want to keep in mind my duty to love as Christ loved me and the mission He gave our family to minister in His name.

And so even in the middle of comfortable conversation and easy fellowship around the table, may I be mindful that I am to be living out the Gospel in my interactions. What does this mean? Most obviously, it means that my conversation should be seasoned with grace and not gossip, sarcasm, or complaining. That I must seek to love what God loves and hate what God hates in the way that I speak. Am I speaking about my children to others in a way that shows that I consider them a blessing or a curse? Am I treating the reputations of others with care and love in the way that I speak of those not present?

It also means that it should be the goal of my heart not to just share easy conversation, but to use time with fellow believers to truly encourage them in the faith. This is a hard one. I can carry on a conversation, but my words will wither and pass away. It is only the word of the Lord that will stand forever. May I be mindful of opportunities to take conversations deeper and to encourage a real struggle with the faith and a transparent trust in my Lord.

I am praying that as I have opportunities in growing relationships that God will grant me the ability to speak the truth in love and to spur others on towards love and good deeds. I know I need people like that in my life and that is who I want to become.