God's curriculum

Many days the devotional that I get from Elisabeth Elliot is the only morsel of Scriptural truth that I am able to meditate on in a day. But, oh, they are such gems! Today's was long and on contentment. It contained my favorite Amy Carmichael quote too.

If you are not already subscribed to these daily devotionals, I heartily recommend that you do so. Here is a portion:

Everything about which we are tempted to complain may be the very instrument whereby the Potter intends to shape His clay into the image of His Son--a headache, an insult, a long line at the check-out, someone's rudeness or failure to say thank you, misunderstanding, disappointment, interruption. As Amy Carmichael said, "See in it a chance to die," meaning a chance to leave self behind and say YES to the will of God, to be "conformable unto His death." Not a morbid martyr-complex but a peaceful and happy contentment in the assurance that goodness and mercy follow us all the days of our lives. Wouldn't our children learn godliness if they saw the example of contentment instead of complaint? acceptance instead of rebellion? peace instead of frustration?

Everything? Everything about which I am tempted to complain may be the very instrument whereby my Lord intends to shape me more into the image of Christ. That certainly puts a new light on the petty frustrations of life with little ones. It means that when Will was helping me make a cake this morning and knocked a cup full of baked pumpkins seeds on the floor, breaking the cup and scattering seeds across the kitchen that it was an opportunity for God to sanctify me. The frustration (and let's be honest here, anger) that immediately surfaced was my sin staring me blatantly in the face. Oh, I need grace! I need Christ's sacrifice on my behalf!

An excerpt from another EE devotional earlier this week provides this fitting closing:

Mercifully, God does not leave us to choose our own curriculum. His wisdom is perfect, His knowledge embraces not only all worlds but the individual hearts and minds of each of His loved children. With intimate understanding of our deepest needs and individual capacities, He chooses our curriculum. We need only ask, "Give us this day our daily bread, our daily lessons, our homework." An angry retort from someone may be just the occasion we need in which to learn not only longsuffering and forgiveness, but meekness and gentleness; fruits not born in us but borne only by the Spirit. As Amy Carmichael wrote, "A cup brimful of sweetness cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, no matter how suddenly jarred" (From her book IF published by Christian Literature Crusade).

God's curriculum for all who sincerely want to know Him and do His will will always include lessons we wish we could skip. But the more we apply ourselves, the more honestly we can say what the psalmist said: "I, thy servant, will study thy statutes. / Thy instruction is my continual delight; / I turn to it for counsel. / I will run the course set out in thy commandments, / for they gladden my heart" (Psalm 119:23, 24, 32, NEB).

An overflowing closet and an abundant blessing

I have been keeping my eyes open for several months now for fall clothes for Joseph. In fact, I scooped up several pairs of long pants and long sleeved shirts for $.25 or $.50 an item at yard sales this summer when it was so hot outside that it almost seemed impossible that one could ever want to wear long winter clothes. We also went shopping from 9-5 last Thursday in Jackson and got church clothes and shoes at the mall. Finally, I picked up a few things at the thrift store this past Saturday when they had a $5 a bag sale. (BTW, I had 2 pairs of pants, 2 shirts, 2 pairs of almost new boots, a small food processor, an electric waffle iron, 2 candlestick holders, a set of notecards, 4 ties, and 16 cloth napkins into my bag—that's less than .$25 an item!)

Inspired by the Tightwad Gazette, I have really been trying to be more frugal and to be more open-minded about yard sales and the thrift store. It has been a lesson for me. Six months ago, I would've turned my nose up at both, but I have been humbly trying new territory....And it is fun! I love the bargains I can get. (Although I must admit that I am still embarrassed to say so in public—except for here, but that isn't the same. We were having dinner with a new couple from church on Saturday night and the wife raved that she just loves to find “bargains.” Joe, thinking of my newly-found yard saling prowess chimed in, “Oh, Hallie does too.” She went on to explain how she finds “cheap” antiques that are a steal, and I blushed and waited to see if my dear hubby would mention my fabulous finds at the thrift store. He didn't, and I let out a little sigh of relief—pride intact.) All of this to say that I am learning not only to try to be content with less, but also to try to be more creative.

The amazing thing is that God has just blessed above and beyond what I could have expected in this area. At church on Sunday, I was lamenting that Joseph's brand new Sunday khakis had shrunk so much after the first wash that they were already too small. My friend remarked that she had some hand-me-downs from her son that she thought might fit Joseph. She dropped them buy yesterday afternoon, and I sorted them last night after the boys were in bed. There were enough clothes not only for Joseph to have a full wardrobe for this fall and winter, but for next spring and summer too! And they are cute things, name brands some of which are expensive and I would never even buy! Even down to socks and a warm winter coat—all barely worn! Even a pair of overalls, which Joseph has been asking for, but I just wasn't going to buy brand new. Isn't God good? I have just been amazed all day as I have washed and folded it all. I called my friend this morning to thank her and need to write her a note too. Joseph has more clothes than he can wear!!!

Dinnertime discipleship

Tonight we had dinner with 2 couples from our church and had such a good time. The boys were pretty well-behaved and it was just a pleasant evening. It was so nice to be in the home of people that we care about and to whom we have been called. We truly believe that God has given us these people in this church and community to love. As we considered a call to overseas missions before ending up here, this place seems even more evidently our current mission field than it might otherwise seem. God clearly placed us here in this place and it is so good to remember that. I don't want to get caught up in living life that I forget what God has called us to. As we make friends and get to know people, I want to keep in mind my duty to love as Christ loved me and the mission He gave our family to minister in His name.

And so even in the middle of comfortable conversation and easy fellowship around the table, may I be mindful that I am to be living out the Gospel in my interactions. What does this mean? Most obviously, it means that my conversation should be seasoned with grace and not gossip, sarcasm, or complaining. That I must seek to love what God loves and hate what God hates in the way that I speak. Am I speaking about my children to others in a way that shows that I consider them a blessing or a curse? Am I treating the reputations of others with care and love in the way that I speak of those not present?

It also means that it should be the goal of my heart not to just share easy conversation, but to use time with fellow believers to truly encourage them in the faith. This is a hard one. I can carry on a conversation, but my words will wither and pass away. It is only the word of the Lord that will stand forever. May I be mindful of opportunities to take conversations deeper and to encourage a real struggle with the faith and a transparent trust in my Lord.

I am praying that as I have opportunities in growing relationships that God will grant me the ability to speak the truth in love and to spur others on towards love and good deeds. I know I need people like that in my life and that is who I want to become.

Full-time shopping

Today the Holland family made a trip to the big city to buy some fall clothes for Joseph. Since we are huge "hand-me-downers," the younger boys have most of what they need, but Joseph was in desparate need of some church clothes. We have switched from the john-johns and white shoes to the khakis and button up for him--he is so grown up! Every time I wash him or dress him, I am just amazed at how big he is! How did I ever have a son with feet this big?

I also got some fun brown heels (to complement Joseph's buy one get one 1/2 off deal). I cannot remember when I last bought fun new shoes. I get new running shoes (that I wear every day) at least yearly, but I haven't bought other shoes in longer than I can even remember. We also got some great t-shirts and shorts on huge discount for Joseph for next summer--that is unless he continues to grow like a weed and I underestimated it!

I also got some flax seeds at the natural foods co-op and am looking forward to adding them to our diet. I with that I was better about natural eating, but I guess each step in a positive direction is better than nothing.

Fall?

It is October 3rd and all three of my children have spent a delightful afternoon in the kiddie pool in the yard. It was 92 degrees and so I figured that it must be okay although all of my Virginia-raised sensibilities bristled at the notion of bathing suits in October. I have already put away the sunscreen for the year and so I was a bit worried that they'll sunburn! Even baby David enjoyed crawling around and splashing enthusiastically in the 10 inch deep water. He gasped at the coldness every time his brothers splashed.

I also experimented in the kitchen tonight. After I brought David inside and William and Joseph were still playing outside in the pool, I needed to find something to do in the kitchen that would allow me to watch them through the window. I decided to try to make fresh pasta as I has seen a recipe a few days earlier. It was good, but I don't think quite good enough to justify rolling it out and painstainkingly cutting each individual noodle. I mixed some fresh basil into half of the dough and that was delicous. If I try it again, I need to figure out how to roll the dough into thinner sheets before cutting because all of the noodles were too thick. Still, at least I tried!

Back in the saddle again

The past few days have been uneventful in household Holland. We've been getting back into the swing of things after a great visit with my parents and just living life. Joe preached a great sermon on Sunday night on our identity as Christians and the seriousness of sin from 1 Peter 2:9-12. Yesterday, we had a candlelight spaghetti supper with really yummy sauce and homemade breadsticks and topped it all off with Sonic slushies for dessert.
The 2 younger boys are down for naps (although William is still singing) and Joseph is resting in the play room. I have a few minutes for "me." I have been thinking a bit recently about how things are going with me and one thought I've had is about how I am doing in managing our home.
Before we moved here, I feel like I had a better handle on my household. I don't know if it is because this is a bigger house, but I always feel like I am unorganized and behind on housework. I want to take a few minutes this afternoon to work on my household notebook to see if I can get reorganized. I might even have to revert to the Flylady!

Away again

My parents were here for a visit the past few days leaving no extra time to blog. Time was filled visiting and enjoying the rare treat of having them here. It was truly a glorious visit--good conversations, mostly well-behaved children, just enough stuff to do, and even a Mississippi fall evening by the bonfire roasting marshmallows and star gazing. I treasured each moment with them here, realizing that it will probably be 8 months before I see them again! The boys will be so big then! It was special to have the boys spend time with Mama and Daddy--especially Daddy, since he hasn't really gotten to know them as much yet since we don't get to see him as often. The real test though will be to see if David will let them hold him when they stop back through on their way home.

Grumpy mama

I am so tired, but I don't feel like I really did anything today. The boys were not terrible, but they weren't very obedient either. And I was in a bad mood and short with them all day. I'm just plain grumpy.

It is raining here today and we've been mostly stuck inside. Except for when I let the boys out to ride their bikes during one break in the showers and they came inside a half an hour later sopping wet and sprinkled with mud. They had been riding their bicycles through puddles and the mud kept on splashing up on them. Good clean fun.

I did get a little bit of sewing done today, which was good. I mended a few pairs of pants for the boys and hemmed some new cloths to clean with. I also got the laundry done and vacuumed the house with my old push vacuum cleaner. I have gotten so used to using the whole house vacuum that it was kind of a shock to push around my heavy old one since the whole house unit is broken. I also tried a recipe for making caramel corn. I guess it was a success because I made 8 cups of caramel popcorn this morning and it is already gone.

Joe will be home in a few minutes and I think I'm going to go and get ready for bed. It is 7:50.

A must read

Usually my Sunday posts are sparse, but tonight I am mentioning a rare gem. Holly from Choosing Home has started a personal blog (Seeking Faithfulness) that is among the best out there. To start her blog, she transferred some of her posts from Choosing Home. There are several that I would rank in my top 10 favorite posts on motherhood. She really speaks to where I am and with such grace and gospel-centeredness. I am thankful to be able to read her wisdom.
Today I wanted to share a snippet from part 1 of a post called "Losing Myself," in which Holly writes about God calling her to die to self in motherhood. The whole thing is so good--go read it! and part 2 here.

“IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! All that you need to know about yourself, you will find in Me.” Shocking words to someone who thought that she was the important one in this entire family equation. Totally jaw-dropping words to someone who couldn’t wait to bring these children to maturity so that she could get on with life.

God continued….”What if I DO just want you to be a mother? Would you trust me that this would be enough for your life? Could you find contentment in that vocation, in serving your husband and children?”

“What if I have greater plans for your child, or your grandchild – and your main purpose was to give them life, then to pour YOUR life into shaping them into the person that I have planned for them to be?”

“Oh but Lord, that means,….sacrifice. Don’t I already do enough? Who will I become?”

“Dear Child, you will become just exactly who I intended for you to be. Don’t you remember reading my words, ‘He who loses his life for MY sake will find it?’?”

The conversations went on for some time. God prodding, humbling me and me gradually warming to His will.

The dethroning of ME literally transformed my mothering and the priority I placed upon it.

eBay and good times

My posting here has been sparse the past few days as I have spent the majority of my online time at the 360 blog or on eBay. I've been trying to organize the reunion for next month and have been tracking people down from hoosonline to see if they'll come. Yesterday, Elizabeth White Parsons posted her update on the blog and it just blew me away. It was so good to hear what God has taught her through lots of things but marriage in particular. I am so into the mama phase of life that the difficulties of early marriage have faded with time. She wrote about the dying to self and losing independence that is needed to fully work towards oneness--so good, but painful in the process.
As for eBay, I managed to sell an old bridesmaid's dress, a Boppy, and a set of first season 24 DVDs. I've also listed a used Medela pump which hopefully will sell in the next week. Anyway, it is better than having a yard sale and easier too. Plus, I just can't bear either the waste of throwing good things away or the clutter of keeping things that I don't use.
I've been in a rotten mood all day and my dear husband has taken the boys out so that I can have a few minutes of quiet and make dinner. He is so great about loving me when I am unlovable. I truthfully don't deserve such a steady, caring husband. God blessed me greatly in Joe.
Welll, the dough for the tortillas in done resting now and so I'd better go and make the enchiladas.

17th century poetry

To My Dear and Loving Husband

If ever two were one then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee;
If ever wife were happy in a man,
Compare with me, ye women, if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole mines of gold
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that rivers cannot quench,
Nor aught but love from thee give recompense.
Thy love is such I can no way repay,
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let's so perservere
That when we live no more, we may live ever.

--Anne Bradstreet

Recovering

Today was getting back to normal a bit more. Joe worked almost a normal day and came home exhausted. The boys and I did normal things here. We were brought dinner by a very kind lady from church, who then listened with interest to the boys telling about collecting cicada shells in the pine trees behind the house. She even worn one that William gave to her on her shirt on her way home!
We still don't know what was wrong with Joe and the drs. said we probably will never know. They sent away the test for West Nile virus and that will be back in another week or so. It was most likely a recurrence of viral meningitis. Not fun! We are so thankful that God healed Joe so quickly and that he is feeling stronger now.
Whenever God so specifically provides the best answer to my prayers I always wonder what my response would have been had He not been so gracious to me. Would I still be able to count my security in Him when He does not heal my husband?
I remember just over a year ago lying flat on my back in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. I was seven months pregnant and William was in the ambulance with me, but screaming frantically because of the trauma of what we had just been through and because he couldn't see me because of how we were strapped in. I put my hand on my tummy and prayed for the little life inside of me, my baby, who I had not yet met. I prayed that the Lord would give me strength to trust in His goodness even as I lost my baby. I was sure that I would loose him--the wreck was so bad. And I didn't know yet if Joseph was okay either....Head trama, fractures, surgery were words I heard, but they did not yet know the severity of his injuries.
I can remember the peace of that ride. It was the peace that passes understanding that is calm in the midst of pain and fear. It was the trust in a God that is good, even when life is not. That day, I glimpsed for a moment that my anchor was secure in Him. The storms raged and He held firm. He held me safely.
And in the hours and days to follow, He gave us above and beyond what we could have hoped for. A continuing pregnancy and a healthy baby boy. A healed three year old.
I know that He is faithful. But I know that I am not. The memory of that ambulance ride and the peace that He granted help, but I often wonder if I could remain as calm in the midst of longer or stronger storms...death, lingering illness, or pain. I worry that I will not be found faithful (1 Corinthians 4:2). But, I am thankful that I have a God who is faithful (1 Thes. 5:12) and whose faithfulness covers over my lack of faith. Even when I may doubt, He will still be God and still be good.

Revelation 19:11 I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True.

Joe

Pray for us, please. We got home last night after Joe being in the hospital with a severe headache, chills, fever, and body aches. The doctor's don't know what it is, but let us come home with some good pain medicine. He had a rough night, but I am so thankful to be at home where I can let him rest (hospitals are so UNrestful) and where we can be together as a family. I'll update you as we know more.

4 year old, 2 year old, and infant

Lots of fun around here the past couple of days as this mystery virus has slowly worked its way through the whole family. I got it Saturday with the worst being Sunday night while Joe was preaching and I was home alone with the three guys and a 103 degree fever. Joe has felt bad yesterday and today, fortunately without the fever. David is still sporting the remnants of the spots that both he and William got. We have been quite the germ factory around here!

On a better note, Joseph turned 4 today and it has been a rousing day of Holland family fun. We opened presents upon waking this morning and worked outside until about 10:00. Then, it was off to Wal-mart to spend the birthday money on skates and a new puzzle. Cake for dessert at supper (of course), roasted marshmallows by the bonfire in the backyard, and now a night under the stars in a new sleeping bag—what a day! Joseph and Will are currently “sleeping” in a tent in the pine stand. Joe will join them later after the sugar has worn off and they've drifted off to sleep. I'll be cozy inside! :)

This picture is from their first foray into the tent this afternoon at 4:00. They were ready to go!

Weekend update

We had a good weekend here. Rented a tiller on Saturday morning and tilled under the area where the garden will be. We're thinking about planting some fall things, but also just wanted to start to get the grass killed for next year. It has really plagued our small plot this year and so I would like to not have to deal with it as much next year. Still no tomatoes yet (the vines are filled, but none are red), but we got our second cucumber today. It tasted so good--freshness and the fact that we grew it combined! We had also planted only one eggplant, but it is producing well. I think I'll get 4-6 fruits from that one plant. Squash is still coming, but we're eating it as fast as it comes so I haven't frozen any. Same with the figs still at this point. Our sunflowers are growing like gangbusters and are now taller than Joseph. We also have the first 3 pumpkins that are the size of a dime. I planted some of the seeds from the gourds too and those have sprouted, but not grown much yet. I feel like a regular farmer, though I’m still far from it.

From what I can tell, it seems like there is good soil in the garden. Dark brown and rich, and fairly loose with no clay. I'll have more than I'm able to take care of, I'm sure. I'm still working through the canna beds, pulling dead stalks, raking, and weeding. I've done the ones by the garden, under the martin house, and by the bird bath. The next bed to tackle will be the one by the shed and it is the worst so far. I am going to take a “before” picture this time and will post it sometime this week. David was sucking on our USB cord and ever since then the computer has not recognized the camera when I plug it in. Joe has always said that baby spit is a pretty strong corrosive.

Must read

I don't know how to preface this article except to say that you must read it. It is encouraging and convicting and so true. Read it!

Fevers, Spots, Vomitting, and Crying

The other two boys were hit with the virus today which meant that it was a rough day at Homestead Holland. Joseph and David both spiked high fevers and David got the telltale spots that Will had a few days ago. If the virus follows the same course, both boys should be in tip top shape tomorrow--although tonight is going to be a long night.

Psalm 8:2

Out of the mouth of babes and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger.
ESV

Friday night

I haven't posted in a while, but mostly just because I haven't had much to say. We had the Palmertrees (our head pastor and his family) over for dinner tonight and had a good time.
This past Tuesday night, I spoke to the women in the church at a "Meet the Pastors' Wives" night that was a lot of fun. I got to meet some new ladies and enjoyed the chance to get to talk without worrying that my little guys were getting into trouble. I spoke too, but could barely say what I had prepapred because I got so teary. I was really speaking from my heart and couldn't get much out without misting up. I really enjoyed what Judy and Camille said though and am so grateful to be serving alongside both of them.
This is one of about 100 pictures of our family from a whole night of posing trying to get an acceptable picture for our Christmas card...None were right!!!

Extreme parenting

SpunkyHomeSchool referenced a good piece from her archives about parenting that said this:

True Christianity doesn't define the extreme by how close to the line we can get while still being a Christian. The extreme is how far from the line we can run and how close we can get to our Savior.

This is going to require extreme parenting. A parent who is willing to deny their pleasures in life for a greater pleasure to come. A parent who is willing to refuse a job or a promotion because of the time away from the family. A parent who is willing to sit next to a child on the computer and work together rather then let them build a virtual family. A parent who is willing to talk with a child and not just at them. A parent who is willing to walk daily with their child and guide them to HIS truth. A parent who is willing to tell their child daily what the real choice is but give them the liberty to make their choice. These and many more require an extreme commitment. A parent willing to die to themselves so that their children will walk with the God.

"God demonstrates his own love for us in this that while we were yet sinners HE died for us." Romans 5:8

I want to become an extreme parent.

Wow. This takes my recent thoughts about dying to my own desires and motherhood and applies it in a totally different way. Earlier in the article, she gives this tactic for working through rules with teenagers:

You hand a child the Bible and say, here is God's Word. Let's figure out what God's word says about this. Give them the liberty to study the scripture and learn truth for themselves. We need to give them the joy of discovering that God's Word does speak to us. That's the way I became convinced of truth. I remember the light bulb going off so many times as I read a passage of scripture and how it applied to my life today. Don't deny your children the same pleasure by "giving them what the Bible says." We must let God speak to our children. Our children want to make us the quarrel. They think they can battle, wear us down, and win. God's Word is able to take down the strongholds and defenses that the child and the word is tempted to build. Let them wrestle with God about this issue. The parent becomes a faciliatator in their search for understanding and truth rather than the enemy. I have found that it is a lot more pleasant walking with my children in truth than constantly pushing them in truth.

It sounds so practical. I’ll have to keep that in my back pocket. The whole article is worth